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I kind of want a VR setup now
I don't think that review is terrible at all, looks quite nice for a first attempt, I'd say you just need some more practice, find out what exactly it is you wanna do, and develop your script accordingly. Do you want to be matter-of-fact-ish and give an objective overview of what the game is (or isn't), sort of like a video-essay? Do you want to share your personal experience and encourage people to try it out themselves while entertaining them? As it stands now, the review feels somewhere in between both options, not really fitting either. Either way, some more details and direct examples would be nice, what exact glitch(es) did you notice in the asylum, who is Robert Hirschberg and why would one care, etc. Also, you did the VO in a single take, right? Cutting and merging might be tedious, but I find that most of the time, it's definitely worth it for the end product. Y'know, just my two cents.
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